Thursday, January 31, 2008

Batman, Batman, Batman and Batman

Son: Daddy, I want you to tell me about Batman and Batman and Batman and more Batman.

Daddy: Okay...

Once upon a time, Batman was driving through the city when all of a sudden he saw the Bat signal in the sky. He rushed to the roof of the police building to meet Commissioner Gordon. When he got to the roof, he saw something very strange. There was another Batman already talking to Commissioner Gordon. Batman wondered what could be going on.

"I know I'm the real Batman, so who could that be?" Batman said.

As he watched and wondered, he saw something else very strange. Another Batman was swinging on to the rooftop to meet Commissioner Gordon. "This is very strange." thought Batman, "Now there are two Batman's talking to Commissioner Gordon, and neither one of them is me!"

While Batman was watching and thinking this, ANOTHER Batman came swinging to the rooftop to meet Commissioner Gordon. "Three Batmans?!" Batman said as he watched. "How can there be three Batmans? And none of them is me!"

Batman watched as the three Batman's stood and talked with the very confused Commissioner Gordon. "I better investigate." said batman. And he started creeping around the rooftop, looking for clues.

Pretty soon, Batman found a clue. He held it up to look at it. It was a little hand-buzzer, the kind the Joker uses. "Hmm," thought Batman, "this is a funny thing to find up here."

As he continued to look, he found another clue. It was a purple mask; the kind the Riddler sometimes wears. "Interesting," thought Batman, "This is a puzzing clue. Why would something like this be up here?"

With a little more investigating, Batman found a top-hat; the same king the Penguin wears. "This clue is definitely fishy." said Batman, "I think I've figured out what's going on."

"Penguin! Joker! Riddler! Take off your masks!" shouted Batman, as he jumped in front of the three fake Batman's. "I know none of you are really Batman, because I'm Batman, and you guys are just try to trick us!"

Commissioner Gordon was startled, and said, "A fourth Batman! Goodness me! I don't think I can take much more of this."

"It's okay, Commissioner." said Batman, "I am the real Batman, and these three fakers are actually the Joker..." Batman pulled off the Joker's fake Batman mask, "the Riddler..." then he pulled off the Riddler's mask. "and the Penguin!" And Batman pulled off the mask the Penguin was wearing.

"These filthy criminals were engaged in a clever rouse." said Batman, "They hoped to fool you into thinking they were the real Batman, to no doubt to gain your trust and thereby commit some heinous act of villainy. However, their plan was doomed to failure since they each attempted to carry out the same deception at once, effectively canceling out any chance of succeeding in any individual plot."

"I see." said Commissioner Gordon, with a confused look on his face. "...Well, thank you for catching the city's worst criminals yet again Batman!"

"It was my pleasure Commissioner." said Batman, "Tell me, why did you put up the Bat signal tonight in the first place?"

"Oh! Yes, well..." said Commissioner Gordon, "it's Mrs. Gordon's birthday, and was wondering if you would like to join us for cake and iced cream."

"That sounds delightful." said Batman.

So Batman and Commissioner Gordon went downstairs to the police department for cake and iced cream.

The End.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

The Justice League at the Grocery Store

Son: Daddy, I want you tell me about Batman and Robin and Superman and Wonder Woman and Flash.

Daddy: Okay...

Once upon a time, Superman was driving to the grocery store because he needed to get some eggs, milk, bread and Diet Coke. As he was driving, he saw Wonder Woman walking to the store on the side walk. He pulled over next to her and said "Hey Wonder Woman, do you want a ride to the store?"

Wonder Woman said, "Sure, thanks Superman. You're a real hero."

So Superman and Wonder Woman drove to the grocery store together. When they got there, they saw Batman and Robin driving around the parking lot in the Batmobile, looking for a parking spot. Superman said, "Hey Batman and Robin! Do you need help finding a parking spot?"

Robin said, "We sure do Superman. Can you help us?"

So Superman used his x-ray vision to look across the parking lot until he found an open spot. He said, "I see a spot for you. It's on the other side of the parking lot."

Batman said, "Great, thanks Superman. You're a real hero."

Superman and Wonder Woman went shopping all around in the store until they had everything they needed, and then they went to check out. Guess who was in the check out line right in front of them.

Son: ...Flash!

Daddy: That's right. Flash was right in front of them in line. As he was about to pay for his groceries he said, "Oh, darn. I'm a couple dollars short. I don't have enough money to pay for my groceries."

Superman said, "That's okay, Flash. I've got a couple extra dollars you can borrow."

And Flash said, "Wow, thanks Superman! You're a real hero."

As Superman and Wonder Woman were loading their groceries into Superman's car, all the people in the parking lot started looking up at the sky, very scared of what they saw. Superman looked up and said, "Oh no! There's a giant meteor falling from the sky, and it's coming straight for this grocery store!" So Superman flew up high into the sky and caught the meteor and threw it all the way out into space.

When he came back down to the parking lot, everybody cheered and said, "Thank you for saving us from that giant meteor, Superman! You're a real hero!"

And Superman and Wonder Woman went home and had French Toast and Diet Coke.

The End.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Batman and Robin and the Joker

Son: Daddy, can you tell me a story about Batman and Robin?

Daddy: Just Batman and Robin?

Son: And the Joker.

Daddy: Batman and Robin and the Joker. Okay...

Once upon a time, Batman was driving through Gotham City in his Batmobile. All of a sudden, he saw the bat signal in the sky. So, he raced to the police department to meet Commissioner Gordon. When he got there, he said, "Hey Commissioner Gordon, what's going on?"

Commissioner Gordon said, "Batman, have you seen Robin lately?"

Batman said, "Hmmm, no. I don't know where he is right now."

And Commissioner Gordon said, "Well, we just saw a video on YouTube with the Joker, and he has somebody who looks like Robin all tied up!"

"Oh, no!" said Batman, "Let me see the video."

So Batman and Commissioner Gordon watched the video, and Batman said, "Hmm, that's definitely the Joker, and that person tied up behind him looks a lot like Robin, but it's too dark to tell for sure."

"If it is Robin," said Commissioner Gordon, "you'd better act fast to save him."

"You're right." said Batman. "Tell me Commissioner, do you have any idea where they are in this video?"

"No." said Commissioner Gordon, "I was hoping you could help us figure that out."

So Batman watched the video again and again, looking for clues. "Look at this here." said Batman, "It looks like it could be the corner of a frame."

"A picture frame?" asked Commissioner Gordon.

"Precisely." said Batman, "And this. I looks like a statue of some sort."

"Maybe a sculpture." said the Commissioner.

"That's just what I was thinking" said Batman, "And this backwards writing on the window appears to say 'Gotham Museum of Fine Art'."

"The Joker has Robin at the Art Museum!?" asked the Commissioner.

"I believe so." said Batman, "Commissioner, send your men to surround the Museum. I'm going to save Robin and get the Joker."

So Batman went to the rooftop of the Museum and carefully crept in through the skylight. He looked all around for the Joker, and saw him down on the bottom floor. He was dancing around while a ghetto blaster played Party Man by Prince. He was throwing paint all over the priceless works of art and making a very big mess. Batman looked all around for Robin, but couldn't see him anywhere. He jumped down to the bottom floor and shouted "Hey, Joker! Stop right there!"

"Well, hello Batman. Fancy meeting you here. Hee hee hee!" said the Joker.

"What have you done with Robin, Joker?" said Batman.

Just then, a bad guy who was dressed up like Robin came out and said, "Ha ha! We tricked you Batman!" and he took of his mask to show that he was really just one of the Joker's bad guy friends.

Then a whole bunch of bad guys came out and started trying to get Batman. They jumped on Batman and tried to boom him and kick him, but Batman boomed them away, and went "Biff! Bam! Pow!" on them. But there were too many bad guys, and they all started getting Batman.

"Ha ha ha, we've got you now Batman!" said the Joker.

"Oh no you don't!" said a voice from up above.

Who do you think it was?

Son: ...It was Robin!

Daddy: Yeah, it was the real Robin.

Robin jumped down and boomed the bad guys, and Batman and Robin boomed all of the bad guys together until all of the bad guys and the Joker were all tied up.

Commissioner Gordon and all of the police came in to the Museum and started taking all of the bad guys away. "Good work Batman... and Robin." said Commissioner Gordon, "You caught the Joker and all of his bad guy friends, and now we can take them away to jail."

"Holy mistaken identity Batman!" said Robin. "This bad guy is dressed up like me."

"That's right." said Batman, "The Joker had one of his bad guy friends dress up like you, and then he tied him up and made a video to make me think he caught you."

"But why did you think that was me?" asked Robin, "I told you I would be accepting an award at a charity fund raiser today."

"uhh..." said Batman.

"Batman, did you forget that I told you that?" said Robin.


"Wait a minute." said Robin, "Now I remember, you were watching a football game when I told you that. I should have known you weren't listening to me. I swear Batman, talking to you when you're watching sports is like talking to a brick wall."

"...Right, well, the important thing is that your safe," said Batman, "and the Joker and his friends are all in jail now. So... cool. Okay. I'll see you later, Robin. Good work!"

"Oh Batman!" said Robin.

And Batman, pretending not to hear, got in his Batmobile and took off.

The end.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Batman and Robin and the Slide

Son: Daddy, I want you to tell me about Batman and Robin and the slide.

Daddy: Batman and Robin and the slide? What slide?

Son: The orange slide.

Daddy: Okay...

Once upon a time there was an orange slide, and all of the little kids liked to play on it. They would climb up to the top and slide down to the bottom and say "Wheeeee!", and they would go up and down, and up and down. They loved playing on the orange slide.

But then some big mean kids came and said, "We're going to play on the slide now. You can't play on it anymore. Ha ha ha." And they made all the little kids get off the slide, and they wouldn't let them play.

The little kids were so sad, and they really wanted to play on the orange slide again, but the big mean kids wouldn't let them. So the little kids said "Somebody help us, the big mean kids won't let us play on the orange slide, and they're making us so sad."

Son: And Batman and Robin came and boomed the big kids off the slide!"

Daddy: And Batman and Robin heard the little kids asking for help, so they came to help them. Batman said, "Hey little kids, whats wrong?"

And the little kids said, "Those big mean kids made us get off the slide, and they wont let us play on it anymore."

So Robin said, "Hey you big mean kids, you have to share the slide with these little kids. You can't be mean to them, because it's not nice!"

And the big kids said, "But we don't have an orange slide where we live, and the people in our neighborhood are always mean to us, so we just wanted to be mean to these little kids and make them get off the slide so we could play on it."

And Batman said, "I'm sorry the people in your neighborhood aren't nice, but you have to be nice anyway, and you need to share the orange slide with the little kids. Here's what you can do, first one big kid can go on the slide, and then one little kid can go. Then one big kid and another little kid, until everybody gets their turn. Okay?"

And the big mean kids decided not to be mean anymore, and that they would share, so they said, "Okay Batman and Robin. We'll share the slide with the little kids now. We want to be nice big kids, and not be mean anymore."

So the little kids and the big kids played on the orange slide together and had lots of fun, and Batman and Robin were happy because the big kids decided to be nice and share.

The end.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Batman's Birthday and Paper Stealing Skeletor

Daddy: What story do you want tonight?

Son: I want you to tell me about Batman and Flash and Wonder Woman.

Daddy: Okay...

Once upon a time, Wonder Woman was flying her invisible jet to the city. As she was flying, she saw someone following her down on the ground. This person was moving really fast, but he wasn't in a jet, or a car, or a motorcycle, he was just running really fast. He was dressed in red and yellow; who do you think he was?

Son: Flash!

Daddy: That's right. Flash was following Wonder Woman in her invisible jet. Wonder Woman landed her invisible jet in the city and saw Flash. She said "Hey Flash, what are you doing?"

"I was just following you Wonder Woman." said Flash, " I need to tell you something really important."

"Oh really?" asked Wonder Woman, "What do you need to tell me?"

"I need to tell you that it's somebody's birthday, and you need to come with me to the party."

"Who's birthday party are we going to?" Wonder Woman asked.

"I don't think I'll tell you yet," said Flash. "But you can probably Guess when we get there"

So Wonder Woman and Flash went to the birthday party. They saw lots of balloons and streamers and confetti, and they heard some music playing too. Wonder Woman looked around and saw lots of super heroes at the party. She saw Superman, and Green Lantern, and Hawk Man, and Hawk Woman, and Robin, and Spiderman, and the Hulk, and Iron Man, and Wolverine, and Captain America, and lots of other super heroes.

Son: And Batman.

Daddy: So Wonder Woman asked Flash again...

Son: And Batman!!

Daddy: Not yet. So Wonder Woman...

Son: But Daddy, where is Batman?

Daddy: Just a minute, son. So Wonder Woman asked Flash again, "Who's party is this? I see lots of super heroes here, but I don't know who the party is for."

And Flash said, "Well, there's one super hero who isn't here. The surprise party is for him. can you guess who it is?"

Son: Batman!

Daddy: Just then, one more super hero walked in to the party and everybody said "Surprise! Happy Birthday!" And guess who that super hero was.

Son: Batman!!

Daddy: That's right, it was Batman. And Batman said "Oh, wow! How did you all know it was my birthday?!" and Flash said "Batman, you're such an important super hero, and you do so many good things for people, that we couldn't forget your birthday."

And everybody had ice cream and cake and gave Batman his presents, and Batman had a very happy birthday party.

The End.

Son: Daddy, now I want you to tell me about He-Man and Skeletor.

Daddy: No, we only have one story each night. Now it's time to sleep.

Son: But I just want you to tell me about He-Man and Skeletor!

Daddy: Okay, I'll tell you a really short story about He-Man and Skeletor and then you have to go to sleep. Okay?

Son: Hee hee, okay daddy.

Daddy: Once upon a time, He-Man went out to the front porch of Castle Gray Skull to pick up the newspaper. He looked out past the porch and saw Skeletor hanging around. He said, "Hey Skeletor, what are you doing here? You're not supposed to come to Castle Gray Skull."

And Skeletor said, "Hee hee, I came to take your morning paper He-Man! Hee hee!"

And He-Man said, "But I already have my paper, Skeletor, and you can't have it."

"Ah haa, look again He-Man," said Skeletor, "that newspaper is just an illusion. I already have your real newspaper right here."

He-Man looked down at the paper in his hand and it disappeared. "Hey!" said He-Man, "You can't take my newspaper; come back here!" And He-Man chased Skeletor until he caught him and took away the newspaper.

"Awww!" said Skeletor.

"This is my newspaper," said He-Man, "and you can't take it Sleletor! Why did you want my newspaper anyway?"

And Skeletor replied, "Because there's an article on me in that newspaper, and I don't subscribe to it, and the newspaper vending machine at Snake Mountain is all out of that issue."

"Well..." said He-Man, "I guess you can have the page with that article on it. But you can't have the sports section, because I want to read it!"

"Nyahhh, Thanks He-Man." said Skeletor, and he walked away with his newspaper article.

And He-Man, took the rest of the newspaper back in to Castle Gray Skull, where he sat down in his rocking recliner to read the sports section.

The End.

Son: Now I...

Daddy: No, son. I told you two stories; I usually only tell you one, but tonight I told you two. Now it's time for you to close your eyes and be very quiet.

Son: Okaaaay.